Fast forward 2 years

Its been two years since I’ve updated anyone out there who decided to follow…

My dad died. Yeah, that happen. I had a baby. I got married. I’m still alive if anyone actually cared.

My dad shot himself sometime in January of last year. Shot himself. What a waste of life. I’ve had my different opinions on the subject from sadness from anger to confusion no matter it happen and I can’t change it.

Through the struggle of death I lost half my family along the way. My dad’s side royally disowned me haven’t heard from them since the last appearance of court my grandma set in motion. She’s just a greedy old bitty who lost her son and didn’t know how to handle her emotions. She chose money or family in the end and the closest thing she had to her son she disowned, pretty shitty in my book. A lot led up to that from arguments, court visits, lawyers, all unnecessary things. Grandma wanted everything she could get her hands on. I was my dads only child and as you remember my mom died so it all should go to me. Of course she wanted everything from his truck he bought, to land he had, to his funeral THAT SHE PICKED OUT paid for by me. She took me to court a handful of times wanting anything she could I never had a chance to grieve nor did she but I guess that’s how she chose to grieve.

Enough depressing let’s go a bit more forward I was pregnant when my dad died, 3 months I believe. Far enough that I had shared the gender with my father before his passing that always strikes me as crazy too, he knew he was going to have a grandson but still shot himself. Guess when your that depressed nothing really makes a difference.

My son was born. 6 months later I was married legally and had a beautiful wedding at the chapel my parents are buried at a few months after that.

Sometimes I wonder if I could tell myself at 16 to prepare to have no parents by the time I was 25 how I’d of responded. How could anyone respond to that I guess. I feel to young to not have parents but it is what it is you know eventually you kind of just forget what it feels like to have them. To have a mom. To have a dad. It become a distant memory that you have to dig really hard to remember. Some people get tripped the amount of time I got to have parents so I guess not everyone can relate.

Well 1 hour left til I’m at my destination.

Blankk.

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