The Third Times the Charm

I really want to believe that the third times the charm is that the quote? I should really look that up..anyways like anyone and everyone out there i’ve dated my share of bad apples.. However I’ve only actually had three serious boyfriends and I am with number 3 so I am hoping (this is where the phrase comes in) “the third times the charmer”

Boyfriend 1: Highschool..need i say more? We all had the love at first sight crushes, this one was mine. We lost our virginity to each other and got pretty serious after that. He was actually a decent guy and we probably would have made it last had I not had so much going on in my life at the time but it ended. Abruptly! It was right around Christmas and I’ll tell you first love heart breaks are the worst. It’s like you gave them your all by having sex that first time and they took it with them and you’ll never get it back. At least that’s how it felt at the time.

Boyfriend 2: He was a year and a half younger, also a virgin..I should have remembered how my first heartbreak felt when I took his because if we didn’t make it, he was going to experience that same thing I had already experienced once. This boyfriend, he’s the complicated one, the one who your mother warned you to stay clear of once they started showing red flags but I didn’t have a mother so I guess that’s why we lasted long enough for me to get pregnant with his kid. Yeah I said that.. He also had a lot of deeper issues I should of left so much sooner but I kept thinking it could get better..it never did, he eventually over dosed and died this past year taking a piece of my heart with him. I will always have that what if thought in the back of my mind but he was too sick and nothing I could have done would have fixed him, that’s what I have to continue to tell myself or else my thoughts will eat away at me and depress me and who needs that?

Lastly we have…

Boyfriend 3: Current, he’s older..complicated as well in his own ways. He was married and divorced, had not one but two kids. He has a strange relation with his ex-wife that makes me so uncomfortable like to the point where sometimes I feel like I should just get out because I may never be ok with it.. I mean I have tons of friends who do the whole co parent thing but none the way they do like just the other day they were going to go put-put with their kids..together..just them and their kids. Is it just me or is that weird like if they could tolerate each other that much why not just stay together? He also has a lot of financial debt but makes good money to where it isn’t scary or anything but sometimes the way he spends money scares me. Boyfriend 2 died while I was with boyfriend 3..boyfriend 2 could never let me go, he died loving me, his first..and last.. that’s something a lot of people don’t really get to say in life, that someone loved them so much that they loved them from the start till the finish. Well many people can say that with relatives, parents, etc..but not with their first love.  Anyways, boyfriend 2 is invading boyfriend 3s post and #3 is supposed to be the spotlight. Sometimes I think about how amazing it’ll be to be married, raising our children, our own house..then others I remember I am only 24 and who wants to have 3 kids and settle down at 24, the idea is so amazing, and safe and reassuring but am I really ready for that. I wasn’t even ready for one let alone 3 and I wanted more kids of my own someday.

So that’s my love life, there were several maybe boyfriends that never came to anything but those were the three who were real and left a place in my heart and actually were boyfriends.

Just sharing a little more about me,

-Blankk